hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
