Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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