and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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