that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
