proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
