oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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