I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
