Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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