What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
