i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
