Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
