I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
