i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
