What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize