you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
