I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
