I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
