Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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