I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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