i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
