I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
