Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize