I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
