the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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