My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
