Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize