Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
