my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
