I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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