I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
