I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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