I wish I could teleport
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
