I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize