Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
