Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
