just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
