Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize