can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
