He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
