then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
