the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
