You're my little dorito
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
