TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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