he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize