I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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