We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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