guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
