somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
