member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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