You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
