he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
