i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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