I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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