you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
