Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
