you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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