Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
