my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
