UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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