I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
