Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
