Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
