he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
