Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
