I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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