I looked at my own cervix.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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