I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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