I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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