I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
