Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
