Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
