I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
