I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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