My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
