you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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