I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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