Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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