I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
