You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
