watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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