Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
