piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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