If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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