Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
