Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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