I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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