At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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