It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
