How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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