My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need to align my fucking chakras
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
