my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
